~Master-Spider

~Master's Journal~

Dear DA,

Mood: Apathetic

Truth? False.

I'm not too sure really. Not that anyone should care what's going on in my life.

After all - if I write it all down, then someone might read it.

Analysis: Unlikely...Possibility.

Spider: It doesn't matter if someone sees it - your thoughts are your own. If you're afraid of people knowing what you think, then you don't deserve to think.

Just because you're going through an art driven psychological ordeal, you take the high ground.

Spider: It's not art driven, it's driving the art. Just write.

M...

So:

Recently, I've been having bad dreams. I always have bad dreams "nightmares" - but I have always been a neutral observer. I've never felt fear in a dream. I've felt interest, pain, curiosity, anger - on more than one occasion I've been the cause of the "horror". I am ever drifting through my mind wthout experiencing any effect; but not anymore...

The dreams come with a compulsory background emotion of terror, fear and confusion - but unlike my normal dreams, the terror does not directly involve me. I'm just there by accident, and Im forced to see Titans battling and slaughtering others angels and deamons fighting before me on scales where mountains are reduced to hills. The angels are horrific and disfigured everytime. The Demons and fallen are equally as horrifying but are familiar and bring comfort and a sense of salvation. Against the talons of the high, the three heads and flaming chariots are like home ground. In every dream, the feeling is that "I am man." Insignificance: Affirmative.

Also, I never wake up until I've seen the scene all the way through. Some of them repeat, and they are the same everytime. I sleep all night and wake up more tired than when I went to bed. I've suffered from insomnia before - but this isn't that. I simply don't want to go back there. It's draining. I feel like locking myself in a room and just covering the walls with the things I've seen. I want to share the horror.

I guess... that's all I'll say.

I'll try to bring this page back to life.

And by that I mean I'll try and put myself back into these pages.

Only don't expect me to admit it.

Out.